all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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