I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
