There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
