i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
