i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
