I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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