so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
