definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
