So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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