OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
