Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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