How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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