I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is Oprah even human
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
