my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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