2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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