if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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