Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
