brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
