I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
