phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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