a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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