Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
