she smelled like a LAN party
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
