Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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