He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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