Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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