remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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