I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
