I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
