you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There r osticjed everywhere
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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