But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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