Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
