Your face is a jimmy john
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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