So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
