I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How does one acquire holy water?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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