Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can't motorboat a personality
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize