I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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