You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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