In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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