I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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