I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with