I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
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The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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