They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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