I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
