Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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