i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
