you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
