My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
