Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
