In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
