my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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