he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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