so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
