I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
