Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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