We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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