How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
