There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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