Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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