You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
