Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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