Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
